What about ME? Living with Chronic Fatigue Syndrome

6 April 2020 Feature Article
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Chloe and Adam were enjoying the trip of a lifetime in New Zealand

As we boarded the aeroplane neither of us could contain our excitement. 

Who knew what we were about to achieve and accomplish? And what was better was that we were doing it together! 

Back in 2017, my boyfriend, Adam Brackley, and I took an opportunity of a lifetime. We were both successful in gaining greenkeeping positions over in New Zealand, which was a dream come true for us both. Working at different golf courses, not too far from each other, we settled into work and got stuck in. 

While we were in New Zealand, we took every opportunity to do all the tourist trips and activities! From abseiling into a cave to rafting and looking at glow worms. One day we kayaked five miles and trekked up a volcano for the sunset, where Adam asked me to marry him. We then trekked back to our kayaks and watched wild whales come into the bay on an evening. It was amazing.

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Chloe and Adam were settling into their new lives in New Zealand

After about three months in New Zealand I suddenly became extremely tired. It wasn’t a normal tired but I presumed it was due to the heat and working hard. It never seemed to get any better, no matter how easy I took it or how much rest I had. I was always tired. I started to become frustrated as I couldn’t understand why suddenly I couldn’t go a day without having to take a nap. My mental state went from being on top of the world to a very dark place quickly, what was happening to me?

We made the decision to come home after six months. Every minute of being in New Zealand was memorable, but I couldn’t cope anymore and I needed to be closer to home. We moved to Hampshire, where Adam and his family are from, and I started working at Sunningdale in April 2018. 

It took me several weeks to settle in, but I wanted to work hard and push myself to show I deserved to work at one of the leading golf courses in England. I carried on going to bed at 7.30pm and having naps every day and I lost my social life. My mental state plummeted further. I went from being the most outgoing sociable person to nothing, I was literally nothing. 

I spoke to Adam and he encouraged me to see my GP. I went in and explained all my symptoms: the severe fatigue; the joint and muscle pains; my mental state; everything. Weeks and weeks went by and I had blood test after blood test, but everything was fine. There was nothing to report. I had an electrocardiogram (ECG) test, which came back fine. I had an MRI scan, which again was fine. I was so confused. What was wrong with me? 

I continued to work as hard as I could until one day I was raking bunkers. It was at that moment, on the 14th, that I realised how broken I was. I couldn’t lift my legs the three inches to get out of the bunker. I was beaten both mentally and physically and I just stood there and cried. 

When I eventually got back to the shed, I spoke with the head greenkeeper, George Pitts MG, and he was great, he couldn’t have been any more supportive. George, the courses manager Jamie Wilson and I later sat and discussed what we could do. It was agreed that the only way for me to go forward was reducing my hours, so a four‑day week it was. 

I returned to my GP and she diagnosed me with myalgic encephalomyelitis (ME), also known as Chronic Fatigue Syndrome. 

I had a vague idea of what it was, but I didn’t understand it. I thought it would be easier having an answer as to why I felt so unwell and tired all the time, but in truth it wasn’t. 

In February last year time I realised I needed to be at home with my family around me. I loved every minute of being down south, but given the circumstances it just didn’t work out. Adam knew I wasn’t OK and he stood by me every single step of the way. As difficult as it was for me, it was just as hard for him. We both moved up north in April 2019 and I started working at Wynyard Golf Club. I was completely honest from day one with my illness. People would ask questions, but I didn’t have the answers and there’s no manual to go with being unwell. I took each day in my stride, settled in well and being at home made a huge difference. I didn’t magically get better, but mentally I knew I wasn’t alone. 

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The team at The Wynyard have been incredibly welcoming to Chloe

I eventually got into the healthcare system up north in September 2019 and was referred to a specialist, who I was having to see every two weeks. We’d talk about getting rest periods in during my day, reducing my sleep through the day and sticking to routine and activity levels.

What had happened to me? I was 25 and I was being told what to do and what not to do to just to be able to live a comfortable life. 

I had been having problems with my stomach and ended up in hospital for a couple days with severe abdominal pain. After discussing this with doctors and specialists I was told a side effect of ME is Irritable Bowel Syndrome. Suddenly, I was thrown back into a horrible place where I wasn’t eating and I wasn’t sleeping, as much as I wanted to. I’d lost control of it all. 

My standards at work began to slip. I was too lethargic, too tired and in too much pain to do anything, but I didn’t want to take any time off. I went into autopilot, getting up and going through the motions each day. I lost my enthusiasm and love for everything. 

We had a family holiday in early September that included lots of activities. These took their toll on me, but I also got the rest I needed. When we were away it was like someone flicked a switch. I wasn’t going to be beaten, I was going to bounce back. I was going to make a change. 

I started looking for activities to do that would suit my illness, but I don’t do things by halves, so I signed myself up for a six‑week challenge at a local private gym, Boss Fitness, that was specially designed for people in similar circumstances to me. 

I was so anxious about starting the challenge as I was told my activity levels needed to be minimal for me to live a comfortable life. However, the next six weeks were incredible. I was getting nutritional advice, working hard in training sessions and had a new family around me. 

As my six weeks came to an end I enquired about membership. I’d found a new love and for the first time in forever I felt normal. Membership was expensive though, as we’d bought our first home and we’d booked our wedding. 

I went to a BIGGA golf day at Cleveland Golf Club and had a good chat with BIGGA’s Tracey Maddison. She asked how I was getting on with the gym, how my health was and how Adam was getting on up north. I explained our situation and said that I’d love to stay at the gym and become a full time ‘Boss’ but due to other financial commitments, I could not afford to. Tracey mentioned the Greenkeepers Benevolent Fund and said I should apply. 

I can honestly say I don’t know what state I would be in mentally and physically if I’d never have spoken to Tracey that day. 

Receiving a grant from the Greenkeepers Benevolent Fund has literally turned my life around. I’m by no means back to normal and I’ve had an extremely bumpy road, but I’m a long way from where I was. 

I’d be lost without Boss Fitness now and Christmas time proved that. As everything closed for Christmas so did the gym. My health deteriorated quickly, with visiting family, Christmas shopping and all the other festivities that go on. 

I became exhausted very quickly and mentally I felt like everyone and everything was against me to the point that I sat with my boss, Derek Thomson, and told him I didn’t want to be here anymore. Not just at work, but I didn’t want to exist. I couldn’t cope and ME had truly beaten me. I sat and cried while he reassured me everything would be okay, but I wasn’t convinced.

I opened up and it honestly felt like a weight lifted off my shoulders. Derek has been incredible and every single day he’s put time aside to ensure I was OK and to make sure my mental state was getting better. Post‑Christmas and I’m back to work, back to the gym and back in my routine. I’m feeling stronger than ever and although I still sleep every day after work and wake up feeling three times my age and like I’ve had no sleep, I’ve finally accepted that I’m no longer who I used to be, which was honestly the hardest part. 

Thank you to every single person that has helped me on my journey over the last two years. It isn’t over yet, but we’ve got this! 

If anyone ever feels they need a chat no matter what the circumstances I’m always here. 

You can contact Chloe on Twitter at @chloe_gall

Author

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Chloe Gallagher
The Wynyard | Greenkeeper

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